


Welcome to the Masquerade

by Ryuu_No_Kami



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 07:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16058390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuu_No_Kami/pseuds/Ryuu_No_Kami
Summary: Ren donned a mask to save a friend. He kept it on to save himself.





	Welcome to the Masquerade

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Thousand Foot Krutch's "Welcome to the Masquerade" and this idea had been stuck in my head for months. A little on the darker side, but not too much. I like my Ren happy and charismatic, but let's be real. His life is pretty messed up.
> 
> If you don't know the song, look it up. It's amazing. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_(I’m not afraid.)_

Who was he kidding? He was terrified. He was making a huge move to one of the largest cities on the planet after living in a far less populated town all his life. But there was little he could do, so he rolled with the punches as best as he could.

He tried to look on the positive side. He always wanted to visit Tokyo (on better conditions, of course) and he was bound to make at least _one_ friend while he was there. He didn’t know enough about the juvenile court system and all that, but he was under the impression that no one would know about his criminal record unless he told them. His probation officer would know, his new guardian would know, and he thought maybe the new school’s teachers would know. Maybe not. He hoped not.

However, the moment he stepped foot in Shibuya and encountered a time freeze while staring at a blue flame with some semblance of a human figure, he decided all would _not_ be okay. What the hell had that even been? What did it mean? He may have been losing sleep, but to see what he saw? Stress. He blamed it on stress.

Then that weird app kept appearing on his phone. He deleted it once, then once more, but that bone chilling fear crept into his heart when he saw it again. What a great start to his transfer…

As if that was the worst of it. He met a loud and slightly unpleasant boy who was at least nice enough to show him his way to school. Or to a castle. Because that was where he took him. While every nerve in his body was _screaming_ at him not to enter, he did. And he regretted it.

He was actually thankful that the guard or whoever it was knocked him out before he passed out in front of the other teen. But then he just had to wake up, head pounding from the earlier blow, and having to repeat to himself _I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay._

He lied. He was _not_ okay.

He watched the “King” beat the shit out of the other kid, and he weakly tried to stop it. He was flung back into the wall like he was a fly. He was shaking. He felt pinpricks of tears in his eyes. He was absolutely _terrified_.

Someone called out to him, which only added to his fear. He was losing his mind. What did he do to deserve all of this?! It wasn’t until the King guy unsheathed a sword from one of the knights that he let the voice ask him: _Was your previous choice a mistake?_

He knew the answer before he even said it.

“No.”

He donned a mask, a reason to stand, and if he was lucky, a reason to _fight back_.

_(Welcome to the Masquerade.)_

\--0--

Over the course of a few months, Ren had made several friends, helped many people, and kicked a lot of ass. If someone were to ask him if he was happy with the direction his life had turned, he wouldn’t say yes, but he wouldn’t say no. While he felt like he was finally doing something good in his life, there was still something _wrong_. He was still a criminal. He never heard from his parents. He was so involved in others’ lives that he really never stopped to think about his own.

He enjoyed it.

The more time he spent absorbed in their problems, the less he would think about his. He was being selfish, in a different way, but in the deep recesses of his mind, he was disappointed no one stopped to ask him how _he_ was doing. However, every time the pang came into his heart, he busied himself in Leblanc, or by studying, or on really bad days, going the hell to sleep.

As the Phantom Thieves, they had changed a few hearts, and he was proud. He could trust his teammates. He had a reason to keep his head high. He could rub it into his parents’ faces in his dreams because _this is what a_ real _criminal is!_ He briefly wondered if they had a palace, or a shadow form in Mementos, but one quick check came up empty.

He hated them anyway.

The first break in his façade was dealing with Futaba. He liked to think he had been through hell, but that poor girl had been through more of it. It didn’t help that Sojiro was acting like the patient and good-willed father. The crack happened as Futaba came into Leblanc, Sojiro’s eyes and mouth were wide, and Futaba asked for curry. He watched Sojiro turn away from her so no one would see his tears.

He realized that night as he rolled over to face the wall that he had been _jealous_.

It just so happened not even a week later, he met Makoto in the student council room and she told him about what happened to her parents, in particular, her father. She never once cried, but he could see the admiration in her eyes. He knew from prior events that she had a very close bond with him, but he never bothered to ask to meet him or anything. He gained a new respect for her that day.

But then he began crumbling. Ann’s parents ditched her in the country so they could continue their modeling. Ryuji’s dad was violent and a drunk, but at least he was on good terms with his mother. Yusuke’s only father figure turned out to be a douche who was using him for his artwork. He never knew his mother. Futaba lost her mother because of her research. So really, what the hell was his problem?

Truth hit him like a bullet train. He didn’t care. He was happy for his friends finding other things to be happy about. And since they were happy, he was happy. He woke up the next morning, rolled out of bed and checked his reflection in the mirror. He smiled at himself, even if he had no idea why he was smiling.

_(I’m not ashamed.)_

\--0--

October 11th, he could have sworn the ground opened up beneath him and swallowed him.

Everything up until that day was good. Not perfect, not great, but far from terrible. He watched with bated breath as the broadcast was cut short and the group around him froze with tangible fear. Haru’s hands covered her face. Futaba started shaking. Ryuji, the one who commonly broke awkward silences, did nothing.

He thought he was going to throw up all that amazing carnival food from the evening.

His heart hammered painfully in his chest as he watched Haru stalk away. He knew very little about her, and in his moment of despair, knew for a fact she was going to the cops. This was it. They were all going to end up in prison for murder. A murder that no one could prove they _didn’t do_ , but one that the media would have a field day with.

And if he knew anything about the justice system, he knew it _sucked_.

While everyone around him scurried around to figure out _what the fuck just happened_ , he sat frozen to his chair. He could hear his name being called by someone, but he was not in the right mindset to answer, so he remained silent and his gaze never left his phone. It wasn’t until Ann put a hand on his shoulder that he broke from his trance and eyed the rest of the group.

“We will be okay, right?”

He met everyone’s eyes individually for a second. Then, his eyes fell to the phone that rested on the table. He realized after another moment of silence that they were all waiting for his answer.

He didn’t give them one.

“We did nothing wrong,” he finally heard Morgana say. “At least, I don’t think we did…”

He stood quickly, the gaudy lights around him suddenly making him nauseous. Without saying another word to anyone, he made his way to the train station. He needed fresh air. He needed silence without being _expected_ to have the answers his team needed--no-- _wanted_ to hear. The inviting music from the park did little to calm his nerves. The train didn’t arrive fast enough; he collapsed to his knees and emptied his stomach on the grass outside.

_(I’m not to blame.)_

He couldn’t be. As Morgana said, they did nothing wrong! But god did it look bad. It was only at that moment he realized how _stupid_ he was. Of course, back when it was Kamoshida and Madarame and Kaneshiro, it was simple. They were bad guys; him and his team were good guys. Futaba was a completely different case all together. But then the line blurred and someone (Haur’s _father_ ) had died. All for what? How many of his workers were going to sing praises because he was murdered on live TV? He was pretty sure Haru would have rather kept her father alive than have him dead just to keep her away from that creepy fiance of hers. 

He stood up, his knees shaking and his stomach still turning. In his disgusting display of nerves and regret, he missed the train. Because really, why not see how far into the darkness he can go before he finally snaps.

He heard the footsteps before he saw them. Then heard voices before he could make out who spoke. If they were talking to him, he couldn’t tell. The music was overpowering, even if it was faint in the distance.

He felt something cold on his face, and it snapped him to attention. He recoiled at the contact. It took him a second to adjust his eyes and when he did, he only saw Makoto standing in front of him.

_Pull it together._

“Where is everyone else?” he asked after he noticed they were alone. Was this Mementos? It was far too quiet and the lights were off-putting and his vision was getting hazy again.

She didn’t say anything as he felt her take his hand in both of hers. _Shit._ She was smart. She probably saw right through his pitiful attempt to mask his dread.

“Everything is going to be okay.” A squeeze. “I promise.”

For once, it was nice to rely on someone else.

\--0--

_Akechi is going to try and kill you!_

Deep down, Ren always knew Akechi was up to something. But for the longest time, he just thought the teen wanted to bust up his little gang and throw his ass in prison. He loved the media fanfare, so he was sure it would only add to his ever-growing ego. Something cold dropped in his stomach when Akechi had asked to join the group. He could never put a finger on _why_ , though.

Now, it all made sense.

He sat on his bed wide awake that night. His mind raced, despite Morgana and Futaba’s less than consoling efforts to ease his mind. So many questions ran through his head. Why did he need to kill him? Why now, when he had been following them around for at least a month? Why was he even questioning Akechi’s motives and reasons at all?! He didn’t want to _arrest_ him; he wanted to _kill_ him!

He stood in front of the mirror the next morning as he always did. Stand straight, smile, act like you’re the big charmer you are because _your life is great!_ He barely slept, but thankfully, Sojiro was kind enough to have coffee ready for him when he walked down the stairs. He saw the older man’s eyes narrow in concern, but he polished off his coffee and said something along the lines of “it was missing something today,” before he walked out the door.

School was much harder to get through than he thought. Ann kept turning around when the teacher turned to the board to whisper if he was okay. He always smiled and nodded. After a few times, she finally stopped asking. Everyone else bombarded the group message board.

_What the eff are we gonna do about Akechi?!_

_Let us meet tonight to discuss a strategy._

_OMG INARI WE NEED TO MEET AS SOON AS SCHOOL IS OVER!_

_My apologies._

_We will do everything we can to protect you, Ren!_

_HELL YEAH! Bastard won’t even know what happened!_

He groaned as the lecture continued on around him. He was grateful for everyone’s positivity, he really was. But the more time he had to remember that someone was going to try and kill him, the more he started to freak out. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened a month ago with his peers watching him. That, and he was supposed to be the leader. He should be immune to fear.

_Everyone should focus on class right now._

He silently thanked Makoto for ending the conversation, even if Ryuji had to get the last word in and Yusuke may not even be in class and Futaba was home with Sojiro. But that was besides the point.

They met that night to go over plans and strategies and literally everything they could think of to keep him alive. It was rather touching, even if he couldn’t piece anything together. Makoto seemed to take the reigns as his mind battled his nerves while keeping a steady smile on his face. He couldn’t break character now. They all needed to be strong, and he needed to be strong for them. Akechi would not win. He wouldn’t let him. If he did beat him, the team would go down with him.

He would _never_ allow that.

A few nights before the operation, they all met once more at Leblanc to go over last minute details. Everything had been drilled into his head to the point he was living it all out in his dreams. He knew it wouldn’t prepare him for the real deal, but he would never admit that out loud. By the end of the night, Morgana (of course) told everyone to get a good night’s sleep and they would meet the night before one last time.

He helped put the chairs and the table away, but he should have realized something was wrong when Morgana jumped into Futaba’s arms as the young girl walked down the stairs. Haru followed, then Yusuke and Ryuji, who argued over whose calling card was the best. Ann grumbled and he gave her credit for not pushing either one of them down the stairs. She waved goodbye to him and she disappeared as well.

Makoto, however, never moved from her spot. Her eyes were downcast so he couldn’t really pinpoint what she was feeling, but the atmosphere was heavier. He found it very hard to breathe. He swallowed a lump in his throat as he sat on his bed, trying to make sense of her staying behind.

He thought he knew why. She was worried about her sister. She was the last thing Makoto had left in her life, and with the horrible ending to Okumura, her fear was valid. He was taken back when she looked up and met his gaze, her eyes set and determined.

“Everything is going to be okay, Ren.”

It was something in the way her eyes bore into his, the way she spoke with confidence, that forced his composure to crack for the last time. He dropped his head into his hands and pulled at his hair in an effort not to scream at the top of his lungs.

She was next to him in a second. He surprised himself when he turned and reached for her face, then pulled her into him and kissed her. He didn’t know if it was the weight of his possible death or the fact she really did like him (or a little of both) that kept her from breaking away from him. He may have been a little forceful and rough, but he kissed her until he literally needed air. His lips left hers, but he was too afraid to meet her gaze as the words tumbled right off his tongue.

“ _I’m_ not okay.”

\--0--

It was all over. The Metaverse was gone. He had justice (a little late but whatever) for being framed and slapped with assault. He was at the point in his life that he never thought he would be at.

Sae approached him with a scowl, and he knew his adventures were _far_ from over.

She asked him to turn himself in. He scoffed at first. _Excuse you, but we just saved the world._ She continued by telling him her reasoning, and it frustrated him with every word because it made perfect sense. He hesitated, finding slight pleasure in her reaction, then conceded.

The mask went back on almost as easily as it was to breathe.

Facing Makoto was the hardest part, but he never wavered. He broke down in front of her once. It was nice to have her hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but he knew things would never be okay. Things had never been okay.

The Christmas lights danced in her eyes, and he decided to enjoy the moment. His mask would stay up to guard his feelings and prevent himself from hurting hers. Today, he wanted to be the smiling, little bubble of energy she had come to know and maybe even had fallen in love with. Because she deserved it.

He forgot that she was intelligent, and as they sat side by side on his couch, he felt her restlessness through his skin. She said nothing about it, which unnerved him. In her defense, however, he never asked. When the silence became too much for them to bear, she stood up and prepared to leave.

“You’re hiding something from me.”

It was a statement, and it burned him to the core. His mask slipped for a brief second, but her back was to him so she never saw it. She took his silence as an unspoken “yes but I’m not going to tell you,” and whispered good night as she walked towards the stairs.

“Wait.”

He had no idea where his voice came from, but she stopped just as she grabbed the handrail. Now that he had her attention, he had to say something. It was an instinctual impulse; it had come flying out of his mouth without his mind giving the official okay. He knew why; he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want _her_ to be alone. She waited for him to say more, but his words were caught in his throat.

When she spoke again, he thought she would tell him off and walk away. She did the opposite. “You don’t need to hide what you’re feeling because you’re afraid.”

He took the chance to lighten the situation. “I’m not afraid.” His classic grin appeared on his face.

She took one step towards him. “You don’t want to tell me something because you’re afraid it will hurt me.”

Did she know? Did her sister tell her about his agreement to testify to bury that Shido bastard? Or was she that good at reading people, especially him, that she could see right through him?

_(There’s some things that melt the plastic.)_

She stood directly in front of him. He smiled as he stood, reached out for her hand, and his eyes found hers.

“I love you.”

He never had to wear a mask again.


End file.
